Thinking of You [Oneshot]

Random oneshot. Enjoy :)

Its not fair. Its not fair for me, nor to him. But I can't help it. I try to forget the memories, replace them with new ones but all I can think is how they don't measure up.

Sometimes I don't want to forget though, I relive the moment like it just happened. Like remember that time we stayed up all night on the balcony of your room, just talking? We went on for hours about the 'old days' when everything was brand new. When we just considered ourselves blessed we had even gotten that far. Awaiting what was to come, and how what we never expected to get out of it was the best thing that ever happened to us. That being, ending up together. We laughed about me slamming that door in your face, and all your antics trying to win me over. Then before we knew it, we were watching the sunrise.

“Tell me the truth Drake, did you ever think we would end up like this?” I adjusted my self in the lounge chair that was clearly too small for us to sit together in.

“Like what?”

“This.” I motioned between the two of us.”Us. Together.”

He sighed looking on at pitch black sky, a few stars fighting the clouds to make themselves proudly shown. “I did. I gotta admit, after all the time I started fearing that it might not, but I always kept my heart open for you.”

“Awww...you're so corny Drake.” I laughed, that knightly charm always seemed to make me smile.

He laughed right along with me, planting a kiss right on my forehead. “Nah but I am serious Nic. I always knew one day you would give in to my handsome ways.”

“Please. You and that big head can come down now. I don't have time for egos.”

“You love me.” He said inching his face closer, and closer till I had no choice but to look him in the eyes. I tried to playfully pull away, not wanting to give in so easily and have him win. But he grabbed my face in his gentle hands and I gave up. Lips soft as ever, that had always been one of my favorite qualities about him. They lightly pressed up against mine, his nose tickling mine at the touch. And at soon as it happened it was over. Light, quick kiss. But sweet nonetheless. I didn't need more than that. I wouldn't dare open my eyes back up. Never wanting to let go of the sweet moment, the feeling. I wrapped my arms tighter against him and just let my head rest on his chest.

“I do love you, more than anything.” It came out as a whisper but he heard me, I knew it. Nothing else in the world could matter more than us two at that moment.

Yeah, that was a wonderful night.

Things like that make me smile all the time, they make me want to remember every single detail. But then the happiness is gone and tears come along because it hurts. It hurts so bad knowing i'll never get that back. That is when I try to make myself forget. Sometimes I think I really could forget and be happy.

At first I refused to try, even though I know you asked me to. “Promise me, promise me that you will move on and be happy with your life after I'm gone.” That's what you said to me. And I did, I promised you but in the back of my mind I was lying. I could never see myself move on but as time went on, I realized it was the least I could do. To give you what you wanted, like you had given me everything I ever needed and more.

And that's when he came along. Truth be told he had been there all along, but I never gave it another thought. I never looked at him like that, not the way I looked at you. He doesn't make me laugh like you did. He doesn't have that need to call me every night when we're apart to say goodnight, like you did. But he was there when you weren't, and he loves me so I try.

I know how long it took for me to get underneath all your layers, and really truly know the real you. So i'm giving him that same chance. But I keep trying, I keep peeling back and what do I find? Disappointment. I have to face the fact that he isn't you. He will never compare to you. Yet I know I can't do that. I can't compare him to you because I owe him at least that.

I can't help but feel like the worst person in the world. You leave and I just succumb to another? For what, company? Selfishness. I feel low, and dirty like I degraded myself for just being open to the idea of being with him.

After that first night I spent with him all I wanted to do was run home, get in a scalding hot shower and brush away any and every trace of him. I felt disgusting. Letting another man's hands linger on my skin. Hands that didn't belong to you. I felt adulterous. Thoughts kept running around in my mind about how I could do something like that to you. How I would hurt you and disappoint you. But I cant dwell on that too much because the promise you made me give to you comes to mind and I just get confused. Is that what you really wanted? That when you weren't here someone could take your rightful place like you had never even been there.

As I sit here in the house I once shared with you waiting for him to come get me to move in to 'our' new home, I can't help but stare at that door and wish that you would burst right in and pick me up and everything would be okay again. I know its impossible, insane and too much for me to ask but a part of me believes one day it'll happen. It's stupid I know. You're never coming back. I want to hate you so bad for leaving me but I just can't because I love you too much and I always will.

My head snaps up at the sound of the door knob turning and my a second my hear stops. The door opens letting all the light from the summer day fill the house and I hold my breath....and there it is. Its not you. Its him.

“Hey. You ready?” He doesn't even walk up to me or greet me the way you did like he hadn't seen me in years even thought it had just been a few hours.

Once again I have to gather myself and plaster on a fake smile. I stand up, grabbing my things and walking over to him. As I reach him he gives me a kiss, its not soft, its not sweet. Nothing like yours.

He grabs my hand, I see it again. Our hands fit nothing close to perfect. Not the way ours did. Like a set of puzzle pieces. We walk out of the house and I take one last look back in before he closes it. The place I had lived my happiest moments in, now left for someone else to create their own.

I may never get those moments or feelings back, but just know I will always be thinking of of you.

- So this was inspired by Katy Perry's song "Thinking of You", listening to the song just put me in a place and i got this idea lol so hope you enjoyed it and please comment :)